Let me start by saying that it's okay if you don't agree with me on this. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
There are probably only a small handful of people who will actually "get" it. Who will not only agree with what I've said, but will also understand why I felt the need to explain myself. Among those few people are definitely Jim and my sister Carole..
When it comes to my kids and keeping to a routine it's no secret that I run a tight ship. I NEED to run a tight ship. Most of the time - from the moment the kids wake up in the morning until the second they are asleep at night - I am on my own with them. Having a set schedule keeps me sane. Everything runs smoothly when we follow our routine. I'm able to keep up with everyones wants and needs because of it.
Rarely do I make exceptions and break away from our daily routine. Like most people, I have lived and learned through my mistakes.
So some things you should know about me and the way I do things:
As far as I'm concerned, Savannah and Sebastian's day is done at 6P. They are the first ones to get up in the morning (usually around 6A if not earlier!) and therefore the first ones to go to bed. By 6P they are fed, bathed and in jammies. Their bedtime routine begins at 7:15P. By that time they are exhausted. I am exhausted! So this means that if there is something going on that is either taking place after 6p or will have us out of the house past 7p 9 times out of 10 I will politely decline the invitation. Why, you may ask? Why can't I make an exception? Well, here's why:
#1. While everyone is sure to have fun regardless of whether or not it's nearing (or passed) their bed time I can pretty much guarantee that at least one (usually two, sometimes even three!) will have some sort of a major meltdown - either during our ride home or the instant we step foot into the house.
#2. If we're out passed bed time then I run the risk of someone (or two, or three!) falling asleep in the car on the way home. What's so bad about that, you ask? Well, that 10 minute "power nap" they get in the car has the potential to keep them awake for HOURS passed their bed time once we arrive home. Hours. I don't have hours. I'm ready to get myself to bed 5 minutes after Kyle heads upstairs!
#3. I do not like to drive in the dark. I have poor eye sight, and especially bad "night vision". I try to avoid driving whenever possible.
#4. See #3. Walking through the door with 4 children - with at least 2 of them being overtired, cranky and in full meltdown mode is so stressful - especially because I am by myself. I don't have anyone to help me. There's no "divide and conquer". It ALL falls on me and in those moments before trying to get everyone all situated for bed, they ALL need my undivided attention.
#5. I truly do not like for my kids to go to bed crying. I want them to go to bed happy. This is near impossible when we are out late because - as mentioned above - at least 1 is destined to have a huge meltdown. So in the end, the birthday party or dinner get-together or any other activity that they had so much fun at an hour or two before has been completely forgotten. The smiles and laughter are completely gone.. replaced by sobbing, screaming and emotional outbursts. And I'm left to deal with it. Carole can attest to this - as she has been kind enough to accompany me home to help with the kids after we've gone out passed bedtime. It is a complete whirlwind of craziness and one that I jump through hoops to avoid.
Very recently we were invited to an afternoon birthday party that took place during Sebastian's nap. I had my in-law's come over to watch him while I took the others to the party. Having him skip his nap would only be torturous for both him AND me. Sure, he would be happy at first. But then he would get tired. Then overtired. Then it's too late to put him down for a nap and so now we all suffer as he walks around crying hysterically because all he wants is to go to sleep.
When Kyle goes to Boy Scouts on Monday nights his friends Mom takes him home for me just so that I don't have to keep the little kids up an hour passed their bedtime. I made sure, before Kyle even made a commitment to do Scouting, that I would be able to have someone get him home for me if the weekly meetings ran late.
My bottom line is this: I do what is best for my children. I sacrifice my own wants for my children. Their happiness is my happiness. If tears are involved then it's not worth it..especially if those tears could have been avoided.
So please do not get upset with me when I decline an invitation to something you're hosting. It is not that I don't want to be there, or that I'm being snobby. Could you accuse me of being "set in my ways"? Absolutely. My ways work for my children, and they are my top priority. They come before anything else in my life and I will always put them first. The people who are close to me should know this - as this is how I've always been with them - but lately I've been hearing a lot of grumbles through the grapevine. Why can't I go to something that starts at 6:30P? Well, it may be 40 minutes away from my house. Even if I stayed for 1 hour, we wouldn't get home until 2 hours after bed time. Or maybe it's because we were out all day and everyone was already extra tired. Why can't I go to a family gathering at 9A? Well, Sebastian goes down for his morning nap between 9/9:30A. Said gathering is 40 minutes away. He would either miss his nap altogether (and be miserable) or fall asleep in the car and get woken up too soon (causing him to be miserable). And then who gets to deal with him for the entire rest of the day? Yours truly.
I know that although plenty of others have children they can't see where I'm coming from because they're able to make things work out. Maybe their kids aren't on a schedule. Maybe their kids adjust just fine to having a disrupt in their routine. Mine do not. And if I made exceptions to be at everything then I wouldn't have any sort of a schedule or routine for my kids.
I'm so thankful and appreciative of those who truly understand and "get" this, for it's not "just me" here. It's me plus 4 little kids.
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