On wednesday of this week I will "technically" be 9 months pregnant. 36 weeks. Yahoo!! So exciting!! Right?! Well, I must confess that I'm actually feeling a little sad that this pregnancy is rapidly coming to an end. Isn't that crazy?!
This pregnancy has been anything but "easy" for me. I was terribly sick for quite a few months (much longer than the typical "3 months of feeling nauseous" period) & even now I still get sick on a spontaneous basis. I've experienced severe heartburn for months & months. In addition to taking a prescription to help lessen it, I also have to take Tums several times per day. I've gone thru 5 containers of Tums. Jumbo size!! Leg cramps entered the picture in month #7 & still attack me now. Sleep has been..well...who needs sleep anyways, right? Breathing has become a chore. There are times when I'm sitting completely still & I feel like I can't breathe. It's quite scary! Standing is difficult, to say the very least. Nevermind actually WALKING!
Yet when I reflect over all the things I've been through over the past 9 months I feel some sadness. We've watched (and I've felt!) our little jelly bean grow to be the size of a watermellon. Her little movements started out feeling like butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Then they transformed into taps. Now they've become more like karate chops! A crazy invasion taking place within me! I feel jabs all over - hard punches & kicks to my ribs. I swear I must have SOME internal bruising! Often I find myself staring at my stomach - watching her squirm, kick, wiggle - for hours on end. It's all so amazing to know that there is life growing within me. I joke with Jim about how sometimes I feel like I have this alien-like creature crawling around inside of me! On one hand it is SO weird & on the other it's simply surreal. To have the ability to create life should really be considered a "super power" of some sorts!
Jim & I fell in love with this child the minute we discovered she existed. It was instantaneous. There was never any question in our minds on whether or not we felt we had enough love to spread between two children. The minute that pregnancy test read "positive" our hearts simply doubled in size.
And so now here we are. Almost 36 weeks pregnant. Soon heartburn will be a distant memory. Waddling will be a thing of the past. Running to the bathroom (quite literally) every 15 minutes will be forgotten. I will soon forget what it felt like to get sick all the time and how it felt to be SO uncomfortable, especially come bedtime! But there is ONE thing I will always remember, and always miss. I will miss feeling our baby move. I will miss watching my stomach jump up & down. I will miss Kyle using my stomach as a pillow ( a hard pillow at that! ) & as an arm rest! And sure, while it will be nice to be able to bend down & get back up again without grunting, I will miss knowing that for a short while I single-handedly provided a home within myself for our daughter.
Soon we will welcome Isabella Francine Vargas into our worlds & while we're all anxiously awaiting her arrival I think for me it will be a bitter sweet feeling. An ending to one chapter to get to the beginning of the next chapter.
2 comments:
Paula, there are are no times in a persons' life that they can actually help God create a miracle. Everything that you said about missing being pregnant, is how I always felt when my pregnacys ended. It is truly a miracle that you can have this little person growing within. God bless you and your family.
i don't miss being preggo! i love feeling like myself. it is cool though to think that there is person,,,a part of your husband inside of you!
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