For the past week or so I felt like I've been on the most unenjoyable emotional rollercoaster ride ever !! I started to notice a semi-major change in my mood last Friday when, while watching an episode of "The Tudors" (a historical-fiction series that chronicles the life and times of King Henry VIII), I burst into tears over the death of a character. It's pretty rare for me to shed tears...let alone over a television show!
Then, on Saturday morning, I had what I would consider to be a complete emotional breakdown. Delila had been having multiple accidents in/around her bedding area for a couple of weeks. On Saturday morning, after Jim had put her outside and cleaned up her messes, my keen sense of smell kicked into high gear. Delila smelled like she had been rolling in something that was dead! Luck was not on my side, as it was too cold and damp to bathe her outside. I filled the bath tub with warm water and plopped Delila into it. Her legs were far too weak to support her so she immediately collapsed into the water, submerging most of her body. As soon as that happened I noticed the water - which was crystal clear just minutes before getting Delila into it - turned into a murky, swamp-like color. I started to scrub her and it was then that I realized what the awful smell was: Between Delila not being able to lift her tail when going to the bathroom and then laying in her accidents overnight everything was stuck under her tail and under her belly. If I hadn't pulled apart her fur I never would have been able to see what was going on. All at once it hit me just how bad off she was and my tears fell faster than pine needles on a windy day..
Now for months I'd been watching Delila's health deteriorate. I knew that her quality of life was diminishing at a rapid pace. Jim and I had had multiple discussions over her health issues; we were always in complete disagreement, though. While I saw Delila suffering, Jim did not. He just saw her as getting old. He refused to see things for what they were, turning the cheek and insisting that she was "fine". But on that Saturday morning even he could not deny that the time had come to make a serious decision...
After almost 17 years, it was time to say farewell to our old friend..
On Monday morning, as soon as Jim and the kids left for their dentist appointment, I called the local vet. Much to my surprise they were able to see Delila right away, at 9A. Within minutes of examining her the vet agreed that she was suffering greatly. I sat on the floor next to her and held her head as the vet put her to sleep. She went calmly and peacefully...and I was a complete wreck.
I know that we made the right decision. Delila was a good dog and we owed it to her to let her go peacefully and without pain. Even still, letting her go proved to be much harder than I thought. She was such a major part of our family. My heart is heavy with grief and sadness has all but consumed me.
Fortunately the kids have handled the news incredibly well -- far better than I predicted they would! They knew Delila was old. They saw her suffering. They watched her struggling to walk and they watched her falling down on a regular, daily basis. So when I told them that I took Delila to the vet so she could go to heaven they were very accepting and understanding. Kids can be so resilient..I wish I were, too! Instead I tend to go to bed crying and then I wake up crying. My home feels empty, even though it's full of life. I look at where Delila used to sleep and immediately I feel devastated all over again. I know in time I'll start to feel better, but that time is not upon me yet.
Farewell, Old Friend. I hope you know how loved you were. I'm sorry for always getting so frustrated with you; I know the issues you had were completely out of your control. I hope you know that we didn't want to put you to sleep. We're sorry for letting you suffer for as long as we did. We just didn't want to let you go but, sadly, we had to. I hope you're in a better place now; one where you can run again, hear again, see again. You are irreplaceable in our hearts; you'll be there forever and a piece of our family will always be missing now that you're gone. RIP our dear, sweet Delila.
No comments:
Post a Comment